18 May 2007 - 21 May 2007

Overview

Sometimes the hardest thing to say has to be said in order for two people to grow and experience the next opportunity God has in store for them.  Yet it hurts!  And it hurts a lot!

If anyone had told me a little over a year and a half ago that going back to CIU for graduate school and seminary was going to be both the best thing for me and also the hardest, I would have told them to their face that they were crazy.  Yet, that is what the last year and a half have been.  How else can you explain the joy and sorrow that I have known in that span of time.  The hardest times that I have experienced have also brought me the deepest friendship that I have ever had.  Saying "see you later" on Saturday was the hardest thing I have ever done.  Holding out my flat, upturned hand before her and telling her that I trust God to hold both of us in His hand, having her put her hand flat on top of mine, and then both of us putting our hands to our hearts - broke the "wall" I had put up to try to keep the tears at bay.  Does it always hurt like this?  Why are emotions so overpowering at times?  Why does it hurt to feel?

19 May 2007 - 20 May 2007

left out for personal reasons (email me if you really want to know)

20 May 2007

Knowing what the next-to-last song was going to be during our 9am church service was hard, especially since I was the one in charge of EasyWorship (our worship powerpoint program) and therefore responsible for putting it up on the screens (I am on the soundroom crew at my church and responsible for running EasyWorship and lights).  The song, "He knows my name," is one that almost perfectly describes both my friend's and my trust in God and the unfathomable love He has for both of us.  Yep, I cried during the whole song, yet I still fulfilled my job of getting the words up on the screens through my tears.

Reflections

praying together and for each other * hugs and holding each other * tumbling on the trampoline * climbing trees to see the big picture or at least looking for it * laying on our backs and looking at stars * talking * seeing the Milky Way in the rice field in Indonesia together * watching the eclipse on the Hill * the way both of us enjoy staying until the credits from a movie are finished * theatrical fighting (letting me fingure out what my next move is based on her move) * the way both of use rant on a subject we do not understand (talking things out to have them make sense or at least we wish they would) * being in the "background" serving others * our puppet "mascots" * hiking in "forbidden areas" through poisen ivy * our trust in God and in each other * the way we each point the other back to God when we are struggling * unconditional love - "we don't love in slices" * our love of writing and reading * the fact that we can both be real with each other and still be accepted * that we are going to see each other in heaven!

Conclusion

What is the big picture?  I'm going climbing to see.

Still small and trusting

Like a young sleeping child

Lord, I desire to be like that

Resting completely in your arms

A small trusting child

Cuddled close and leaning on

The one that they fully trust

The one who sustains their life

Yet it is hard for me to become

A small little child

When I am now an adult

Yet the desire to cuddle remains

The desire to be held close

By someone that I trust

To rest completely in their arms

And to lean on their strength

Abba Father you have been there

You are the one who has sustained me

You have held me close to your heart

And have nestled me in your arms

While I wrote this over six years ago, the concept is still very true for me even now.